We tend to believe that we should have a good relationship with everyone in our life. But have you found that this is almost impossible? Even if you feel totally good about them, they might start to hate you for something eventually. Or vice versa.
This is why I believe that it is more important for a relationship to be right, than for it to be “good”. And as it often happens, things that are right in life, usually turn out to be good after all.
So what do I mean by a relationship being “right” and “good”?
Making the relationship right
The right relationship is a relationship where you can interact and engage with that person with a pure heart. This means a heart that is free of anger, resentment, expectations.
It means being who you want to be within the arms of the relationships. It means being your true self and being able to express your true nature. And it means allowing that person to be their true self.
It means mutual respect.
It means being valuable in that persons life. It means to fulfill your responsibilities and duties to that person.
It means having the right distance and right closeness between the two of you.
Making the relationship good
Trying to make a relationship good at all costs becomes a game of trying to make everyone like you and be “good” with you so that you can feel good about them.
But….It’s not about making everyone like you. It’s not about making everyone accept you. It’s actually about allowing yourself to accept other people.
Think about it…If someone does not like you and you find this difficult to deal with. Is it not true that it is actually you who cannot accept their opinion of you?
This is a great thing because if it is your challenge, then it is within your realm of action. You can decide where to go from here. You can choose to accept them.
I know this may sound odd and of course you want every relationship to feel good. But when this becomes the focus of your relationships you start to play the dangerous game of how much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice to make something “good” and to get someone’s approval and love.
Relationships have to be right. They have to be the way they need to be. They have to embody certain qualities and etiquette. They should be loving, respectful, authentic, valuable. This can be achieved at different distances and levels of intimacy for different people.
Take the time to think about your relationship. Think about who you want to be within this relationship. Are you being this person?
Love, affection, warmth
This must come from you.You are in charge of how much love and warmth you can fill a relationship with. It is about having a pure, soft heart. This comes from allowing this person to be exactly who they are. It means working through resentment and anger and learning how to feel purely for someone. I believe that this comes through lots of inner work and spiritual practice.
This means mutual respect. Trust and trustworthiness. It means honesty. It means respecting each others time, energies, feelings.
Responsibilities and being valuable
We all have certain responsibilities and duties towards every person in our life, and these responsibilities can range from something very small to much larger karmic responsibilities. But whatever it is, it is important that we do them. We can ask ourselves “How can I be more valuable to this persons life? How can I bring happiness to this person?” and try to do these things for them.
As a closing point, I believe that relationships tend to turn sour when enough care hasn’t been taken to make them “right” in the first place. As soon as we are able to do that, the relationship finally has a real opportunity to blossom, flourish, and become the wonderful entity it was destined to be!
I hope everyone is having a lovely week. As always, I am sincerely grateful for you reading along.
I think the key personally would be to understand each other and allow each person to have their own space and the ability to express themselves, something which is often lost in many relationships. The thought that the other is suppose to “take care” of her/his partner is somewhat and outdated ideology. I don’t really think many couples “sacrifice” (giving up something lower for something higher) these days. They probably compromise (giving up something higher for something less) more than anything, and delude themselves into thinking its some type of sacrifice.
There was one spiritual master who wants said that marriage is a form of clearing off our karma. A partner can bring out the best in us but at the same time rub us the wrong way to show us things within us that need to be fixed. Me and my wife, we can argue like crazy and be best friends the next moment. If we cannot find happiness in just simply being with someone and we have to constantly think of ways to please them and make their life better, in the long run, it’s going to be a recipe for disaster.
Agree on the spiritual part. I think meditation and connecting to our inner-self helps in relationships. Helps us channel more positive and love energy from within us and create the right ambience for the relationship to thrive. Just my two cents..
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It is really valuable for me, especially as I am about to enter married life. I definitely agree that marriage is a great karmic vehicle. This is why I think it takes some kind of spiritual and emotional preparation before taking these vows. But I am optimistic and joyful. And most of all, grateful to have a wonderful man to share this journey with.