Reya stepped on Gautham’s head while he was laying down and an argument ensued. Gautham tried to talk to her but she was too upset. He left the room and Reya was crying. I went over to her and we talked. Here are some parts of that conversation.
Reya: *Crying* Daddy is angry at me and he was so rude to me! Me: I saw that. How did it make you feel? Reya: It made me sooo sad 😭 Me: Why do you think daddy acted that way? Reya: I don’t wanna talk about that part. (*lol I love her honesty) Me: I think we need to talk about all the parts but we can do after some time has passed.
Minutes later, when she was ready to talk about that part;
You may recall that in 2018, I wrote a blog post on the topic of falling behind in life. This seemed to have struck a chord with a lot of you, and I received many e-mails and messages from readers who shared their own struggles with the timing of their life. This article also happens to be one of my personal favourites from my blog, and one that I too go back to from time to time.
This has been a theme of my life since I graduated from med school in 2016 and found that my life took a different turn to my peers. It was a topic that filled me with dread in the pit of my stomach, accompanied with this incessant feeling of unworthiness. It was paralyzing and I just couldn’t do anything about it.
But you know what? I did. I did do something about it.
Today, I don’t feel the way I did a couple years ago. My life is still not where I thought it would be, and while it is much closer, I just love where it is right now. I love what has been and what is to come; and I love living life on the brink of both.
It took a great deal of daily practiced courage to change how I felt in and about my life. And I felt compelled to revisit this topic today and share with you some of the things that have helped me feel more secure in how my life is unfolding.
Last week, I talked about how important it is to do the right thing at the right time in your life. But what do you do when you’re confused about what the right thing is?! That’s what I wanted to address in the video I made for you this week.
A recurring lesson in my life. I never quite got it right. There are so many instances of my life that I look back on and think “If only I had done XYZ back then, but I didn’t”
Now, I don’t subscribe to the belief of “If only I had done XYZ back then, then I would be happier/life would be better” – because we just don’t have enough information to draw that conclusion. Life would be different, yes. but better? That is still undetermined. I am a woman who is committed to the path I am on, it is true and it is perfect for me and the lessons that move my heart the most. Life is designed that way.
There is a sometimes sense of missed opportunities. Of moments that have passed, that maybe if I had taken the right action, during what I now realize was the right time – then life would have landed me in a different space right now.
Hindsight is always 20/20. Present moment vision is something that must be cultivated, and involves a great deal of discipline, trust, courage and intuition. Present moment vision allows us to take the right action at the right time – because we see all. We see this moment for what it is, what it can be, and we move towards our potential.
I was first introduced to the world of self-development and personal growth when I was 16 years old. One of our family friends, who is like an older sister to me, gave me the book “The Secret” and told me to read it. I kept asking her what it was about, but she told me I would have to find out for myself.
And so I soaked in every page of that book into my mind and it showed me a different way of looking at life.
I have always been inclined to the mystical aspects of life, even as a young girl. I’ve always been a seeker, always philosophical, always a writer, but always unfocused.
I read “The Secret” and I knew I had the key to another dimension of life that I had never accessed before. The law of attraction – wow, is that for real?
Manifesting cups of coffee
And yes, it was very real! And I spent the next couple of years experimenting with it and manifesting free cups of coffee (what else is a 16 year old me to manifest?)
My husband always says I’m an “all or nothing” kind of girl.
I’ve always been that way. Even as a young girl, when my mother used to ask me to clean my room (and I was so messy back then), I could never just quickly put things in it’s place and tidy up. I had to go all out. But only when I felt like it.
First, I would wait. I would wait for the “perfect time”, when I truly felt like cleaning my room. I would start from 0 and I would turn my room upside down and inside out. I would basically move in to my room all over again. And of course – I’d get tired, so it would would take me like a week to complete cleaning my tiny little room. I’m exhausted just writing about it.
I believe it is the norm for us to share our struggles after we have conquered them, our lessons after we have learned them. They say hindsight is always 20/20 after all. And to talk about something painful, when you are no longer in the crux of it, has always been a safer place to tell your tale.
This has always been the defaulted way I have shared the stories of my life too. That is, until my daughter died at 25 weeks of pregnancy and suddenly I had no choice but to share my story from the deep dark center of it. The thought of having to do that was incredibly unnerving and uncomfortable. I had no happy ending to pacify myself with, no lessons learned to lean on, no answers – only questions. All I had was the chaotic unravelling, the burning grief and the unsettling uncertainty of the unknown.
I am by no means a minimalist – I like and have a lot of things – but I am trying to be more conscious about my relationship with “things.” These are some of the guidelines I try to follow in my life.
Have the least number of a certain thing that you can
I aspire to have the lowest number of a certain thing that I need/want. I do this by frequently taking an inventory of the things I own and always trying to whittle it down to what really matters, what I really love, what I really use and what truly brings value to my life.
I initially wrote this post in a private blog that I write in, but I thought I would share these self-reflections with you today – perhaps you and I have shared some of these experiences, or perhaps not. But I like to hear about the personal growth journeys of others, so I hope you may enjoy reading this too.
My life has been pretty easy for me. For the most part. Losing my first baby was a truly humbling experience. Everything else that I have struggled with in my life has been mostly my doing.