You cannot become the person you want to be when you are focused on the behaviour of another person
Why did they do that/say that?
I wonder what they meant by that?
Why did they use that tone with me? They must be upset/angry/sad with me etc.
What do they think of me?
What are they thinking about the situation?
When I find myself in a situation where I am tangled up in a web of worry and restlessness based on one of these thoughts- I remind myself that what I am doing is focusing on the behaviour and thoughts of another person. These are two things that I have no control over, and quite frankly, is not my business.
When you focus on another persons behaviour, a couple things happen.
Firstly, you spend a lot of time, energy and emotions on something you cannot control. It’s needless emotional labour, and it tires you out.
Secondly, you forfeit your opportunity to be the person you want to be.
As soon as I notice I am feeling anxious about something, I ask myself “is this about the behaviour/thoughts of another person?” If yes, I step out of my stories, and ask myself “Who do I want to be in this situation? And what can I do/say/act that is in accordance with that?”
I was working through through some of the anonymous questions submitted by readers for the next Q&A blog post when I came across a question about finding your life purpose.
This is a topic that has come up a lot in my personal life, and I’ve had many conversations about this with loved ones. Recently too! It’s a critical question to many and I felt it deserved a blog post of its own.
I would like to live a fulfilling life, as defined by me. The trouble is…I’m not sure what exactly it is I find fulfilling. I find my ideas on what fulfilling is to be fleeting. How can you know for sure what it is you want to invest your potential in/are supposed to be doing with your life. Thank you
The concept of a “life purpose” carries a lot of needless spiritual weight.
Things happen in life. I take those things and process them in a certain way within me.
When some things happen, I create an atmosphere of pleasantness and ease within. When other things happen, I create unpleasantness and unease within. I have the power to create heaven or I can create hell.
I have been seeking a way to live where it doesn’t matter what happens to me, because I am an expert at keeping my internal environment as pleasant and peaceful as I desire.
Here are some ways that we create hell within, and some ways we can open the doors to heaven instead.
Hell is being obsessed with what other people think of us.
Realizing that people project their own experiences.
My body gives me great feedback on my state of being, and I try to pay attention. How swiftly I fall asleep at night lets me know how at peace I am with my life. How happily I wake up in the morning, tells me how much joy I have in my heart. When I notice changes in how my body functions, I know it is time to make some tweaks in my day to help grow happy things.
I’ve been thinking about what it means to have a good day. And while I have a lot of good days, sometimes on the days I wake up feeling apathetic about the day ahead – I wonder, why? What can I do to have a good day?
It isn’t often that we have a day full of only wonderful things, or a day full of only awful things. We tend to get a mix of both, along with some neutral tasks and events too.
I consider my “work” of the day to not be only to get through my daily to-do list, but to make each thing I have to do into the most wonderful thing it can be.
On the first of January, I set myself a whole bunch of goals to achieve, as I have done many Januaries that have passed. Usually, by February, life settles back to how it has always been, and I settle back into who I have always been. I then live my life in a state of transit, waiting for the next chance to begin again.
It is the 6th month of 2020, and somehow, I am still on track. This is newfound territory for me.
This year, I did things a little different.
At the start of every month, I set myself goals that I want to achieve by the end of it. At the end of every month, I look back, reflect and tally up how I’ve done. I’ve done this consistently for 5 months now. I stuck with it, and that is no small thing, not for me. I’ve notoriously been an “all or nothing” kind of person.
I have not achieved every goal I set out to do. Let’s say I set myself 100 small goals between January to now. I have probably achieved about 70 of them. But…that’s still 70 steps in the right direction. That is momentum. That is a huge success!
Retrospectively, if I had not set myself these targets, and was just left to my own devices, I would have probably achieved around 15-20 of them haphazardly. The difference is monumental.
Today, I’m looking at what worked. What I did differently that made me DO differently this time around? Here’s what is working for me:
If you have spent any length of time reading my blog, you will know that my blog posts tend to be rather in depth and verbose. I usually go deep into one topic per post.
I’m interested in trying something a little different for an upcoming blog post. I’d like to talk about a few different topics in one place. And I’d like to talk about the things that matter most to you and your life. Kind of like a rapid fire Q&A.
I thought the best way to do this would be to offer you a chance to ask an anonymous question in the question box above. It can be a question that relates to your personal life or it can be a more of a general/universal topic that you’d like me to touch on. I’ve done this a few times on instagram – here are some examples of questions people have asked:
How to achieve peace of mind?
How to be a peaceful parent?
How to restart meditation when you are out of practice?
Your thoughts on self love?
How can I support a friend who has gone through stillbirth?
I can’t promise that I have all the answers (in fact, I can promise you that I don’t!) but I’d love to share my thoughts on whatever is on your mind.
I’ll answer a few of them in an upcoming blog post (that’s if I get any responses at all eek!)
Since becoming a mother, I have really stepped up my organization systems. I had no choice! I’ve said this multiple times on this blog but – being organized allows me to do two things;
Consistently and steadily meet my family’s needs.
Consistently and steadily meet my own needs.
I have a collection of lists that I refer to on daily/weekly basis that really helped me stay on top of things. These lists remind me of next steps to take without having to think too much about it, and they also help to capture important information.
I thought I’d share some of the lists I make and how I use them with little glimpses on a few items from each of my lists too! If you get a little kick out of organizing things like I do, you might enjoy this!
The apps I use are: Evernote & Notion mostly. Google Docs and Google Keep come in handy too!
On Wednesday I turned 30, and what a wonderful day it was. If you know me, you will know that I adore birthdays, and my 30th birthday was no exception! I received many sweet birthday wishes. My husband and daughter baked me a key lime pie, a favourite of mine. I played the piano for an indulgently long period of time, my husband and I danced together, and my mom made me my favourite dinner ever! Today, I am reminded that I have some exceptional people in my life. My friendships feel rich and nourishing. My marriage gets sweeter every year. Motherhood has added depth to my life that I never knew before and I feel more settled into my role as Reya’s mother. I have my slice of contentment pie!
My twenties were a decade of transformation. It is a decade that demands a lot from a young person, a constant state of learning and transition – from student to a professional, a girlfriend to a wife, a woman to a mother. And not to forget all the dark, messy and confusing in-betweens.
I have been contemplating what would be most helpful to write about during this time of adjusting to our new normal. I decided to share with you some simple practices (other than daily meditation/kriya) that I keep in my emotional and spiritual wellness toolkit that have always serve to anchor me during all seasons of life, and especially this one. Here are 3.