On learning new things and embracing the journey

On learning new things

Reya had her first ice skating lesson last week. It’s something I’ve been meaning to enroll her in for a while now. We’ve been skating together a few times, and she always looked so happy doing it, so I knew she would be delighted.

I also knew that being new at something is hard, so we discussed a few key concepts in the days before the class.

💫 We can be really bad at something the first time we try it.

💫 It’s okay to be bad at things.

💫 It takes time, effort, and deliberate practice to be good at something.

💫 It feels good to work on something that is important to you.

💫 We will fail many times as we learn. Failing doesn’t tell us anything about our potential, only our ability in that particular time and circumstance.

💫 If it is important to you, we get up and we try again.

When she stepped off the ice that day, she was beaming. The first thing she said was “Mama! That was so much fun! I fell so many times but I got back up and kept trying. I’m feeling so proud of myself!”

🌿 Reparenting ourselves as adults:

When you’re a child, so much is new to us. We are constantly trying new things, and failing, and trying again. How our parents talk to us about these things shape how we feel about trying new things, being bad at something, and trying again. As an adult, we can heal this part of ourselves by allowing ourselves to try new things, to take that class, to start a new hobby and to just be really terrible at something. And then to determine what is actually important to us, and to deliberately keep practicing that skill to see the improvement over time.

On Pride

Reya loves to make art. She used to bring me her artwork and ask me if I liked it.

I’d say; “It doesn’t matter if I like it, do you like it? Did you enjoy making it?”

Now, she shows me her art and says “I worked so hard on this, I love drawing rainbows!”

I try to refrain from saying “I’m so proud of you!” I’ll be honest – It felt unnatural at first, to not say that. But I realized that the PRIDE belongs to the person doing the thing, not to me, and I needed my language to reflect that. So I say “You must feel so proud of yourself!” instead.

Now she doesn’t need my pride or my approval, and I love that for her.

🌿 Reparenting ourselves as adults:

Who are you outsourcing your pride to? Who do you seek validation from and why? How would it feel if the validation you seek came from within? You do the work. You hold yourself accountable. You reap the rewards.

On Embracing the journey

“The man who loves to walk will walk further than the man who loves the destination.”

When one of us comes home with some kind of achievement, we take the time to talk about the process, and the effort we took to make it happen.

I’ve observed the way this little practice has instilled in my daughter, a really healthy level of confidence.

It does three things;

One; it’s a celebratory ritual of honoring our accomplishments. It allows it to sink in. It allows us to bask and reflect in something good. So often, we brush these little successes to the side in our daily hustle, and then wonder why we struggle with imposter syndrome when something big happens to us.

Secondly, it puts the focus on the journey rather than the destination. It is ’embracing the journey’ in practice. It places value and importance on the way achieving our goals shaped us and changed us as a person and on the joy and pleasure we cultivated along the way.

And finally, when we reach our destination, that singular moment, opportunity or prize that was bestowed upon us; WE reserve the right to OWN it because we take the time to make the connections between the process and the goal. We gift ourselves with our own approval, validation, and pride. There is no sweeter success.

🌿 Reparenting ourselves as adults:

Get into the practice of acknowledging and focusing on your effort, rather than the outcome. In turn, when someone around you has accomplished something, praise their effort and work rather than the thing that happened. These compliments always feel more meaningful because they are.

Dedicate yourself to cultivating joy along the way; never postpone happiness. Allow the process to change you and shape you. That’s where all of life is lived. That’s where the magic is.