Reya stepped on Gautham’s head while he was laying down and an argument ensued. Gautham tried to talk to her but she was too upset. He left the room and Reya was crying. I went over to her and we talked. Here are some parts of that conversation.
Reya: *Crying* Daddy is angry at me and he was so rude to me!
Me: I saw that. How did it make you feel?
Reya: It made me sooo sad 😭
Me: Why do you think daddy acted that way?
Reya: I don’t wanna talk about that part. (*lol I love her honesty)
Me: I think we need to talk about all the parts but we can do after some time has passed.
Minutes later, when she was ready to talk about that part;
Continue reading “Words that matter; conversations with children”
Reya turned 3 this January. I thought I would reflect on some of the biggest parenting lessons I’ve learned as we stepped into the toddler years.
Continue reading “My biggest parenting lessons of toddlerhood (Part 1)”
Wowowowow. Hold up. It’s not even Christmas yet, not even Thanksgiving, and I’m already talking about New Years Eve
Well, if you’ve been here a while you must know by now that New Years is my absolute favourite! And my preparations for it begin in late November, so yes, we do have to talk about it now.
Here are some of my annual rituals that create that New Year magic!
Declutter & donate
From the beginning of December, I begin my annual declutter. Creating physical space in my home brings a sense of lightness that I crave in the new year.
What can I let go of this year? How can I live a little lighter? In the past I have done this room by room, but this year I will try working through Marie Kondo’s categories of clothes, books, paper, komono, & sentimental.
I also pay particular attention to my digital clutter. For me, digital clutter is more overwhelming than physical clutter! My Evernote overflows with notes upon notes of my thoughts and musings. However, I have learned that even spending a quick 10-15 minutes a day organizing my laptop, documents, photos, and Evernote, makes a big difference!
Continue reading “5 December rituals to welcome the New Year”
This parenting experience I am having is truly fascinating. I’ve spend the last almost 3 years building this brand new relationship with a brand new human being, and yet, I’m the one who feels brand new.
My daughter invites me to examine life more closely. To experience simple things with more depth and intention. To see so much of myself mirrored in another person. Everything has become a giant question mark, and life is more exciting this way.
Reya is almost 3. And there is a lot going on at almost 3. I’m just trying to keep up.
My very best parenting lessons come when I pay attention.
One day, I was paying attention, and I noticed that whenever Reya does something that I do not like or approve of, my go-to phrase is “That isn’t very nice, Reya.” or something of that variety.
Continue reading “3 questions I ask myself when parenting my daughter”
Getting in alignment
You may or may not know that I am currently in the midst of applying for Internal Medicine residency in the US. It’s been a long journey to get to this point – it is an important story that I look forward to telling you very soon.
As of right now, I’m in the middle of it, and I will say that I feel really good about where I am. I am happy and excited; not out of optimism, or even out of belief that I will match and reach my goal, but just genuinely glad to be here. Enjoying the process, and finding joy in the steps along the way. It is refreshing to live my life from this perspective, and it is new for me.
I thought it was interesting that despite not yet having attained my goal (of being accepted into a residency program) everything feels like it is unfolding beautifully, and I feel pleasant and at peace.
I realized that this was perhaps the first time in my life that I not only created a vision for how I wanted something to look (in this example, my career), but for the last 2 years I have been consistently taking aligned action. Every single thing I did reinforced my vision.
I hypothesize that simply the act of spending a length of time moving in one direction creates the ideal conditions for transformation of self and life.
So then I thought – hmm, what about other areas of my life that feel stagnant or meh or are not looking at all the way I want it to?
Continue reading “5 small ideas to elevate your life”
If you’re caught in an awful procrastination cycle
- Take a life admin day – a whole day devoted to running those pesky errands.
Continue reading “Simple solutions for inner aches”
You cannot become the person you want to be when you are focused on the behaviour of another person
Why did they do that/say that?
I wonder what they meant by that?
Why did they use that tone with me? They must be upset/angry/sad with me etc.
What do they think of me?
What are they thinking about the situation?
When I find myself in a situation where I am tangled up in a web of worry and restlessness based on one of these thoughts- I remind myself that what I am doing is focusing on the behaviour and thoughts of another person. These are two things that I have no control over, and quite frankly, is not my business.
When you focus on another persons behaviour, a couple things happen.
Firstly, you spend a lot of time, energy and emotions on something you cannot control. It’s needless emotional labour, and it tires you out.
Secondly, you forfeit your opportunity to be the person you want to be.
As soon as I notice I am feeling anxious about something, I ask myself “is this about the behaviour/thoughts of another person?” If yes, I step out of my stories, and ask myself “Who do I want to be in this situation? And what can I do/say/act that is in accordance with that?”
And I do that thing. This is my way out.
Continue reading “10 Mindset shifts that have changed my life”
A relationship is a wonderful tool for your spiritual growth.
How you as a couple respond to conflict can tell you a lot about a relationship.
You can be in a partnership where every conflict pushes you further and further apart, or you can be in a relationship where every conflict brings greater intimacy and opportunities to get free.
And for the spiritual seeker getting free is the most important thing.
In the heat of conflict, it is very difficult to remain conscious. Most of us get swept up in our triggers, our stories, our opinions, our unhealed trauma.
I have learned that what we fight about is not as important as how we fight. I’ve learned that if you put your attention on fighting better, the topics that come up also tend to soften.
It is all part of learning to love another human being, and yourself.
Continue reading “How to create a blueprint for conflict: a map back to love”
My posting schedule has become a little erratic. After 3 months working from home at my parents house in BC, we moved back to Minnesota where I’m involved in a few research projects. I’m still finding my groove here. Reya is back at daycare. My husband and I largely work from home but I do go into the hospital on days where I have patients to enroll or meetings to attend.
I am applying for Internal Medicine residency later this year. It’s sort of a pinnacle moment of my life; something I’ve worked towards for the last few years, and I’ve battled a lot of inner demons to get to this place. The application process is extensive, and along with working and spending time with my husband and Reya, I don’t have a lot of free time at the moment. It’s something I need to prioritize over the next few months, so while I will continue to post consistently on here, the interval between posts may be a little longer.
That being said – today I want to talk about relationships and the little ways we can steadily show up to do the work of love. Here are some simple practices that grow love and connection between my husband and I during this busy season of life.
Make their happiness your priority
Every morning, I ask my husband 2 questions.
“What is one thing you could do today that would make you feel productive?”
This is usually one of his most important tasks of the day. The needle mover. Things like “Finish the brief I’m working on / this chapter / this draft / start my online course etc”
Continue reading “Simple daily relationship practices to grow love”
Things happen in life. I take those things and process them in a certain way within me.
When some things happen, I create an atmosphere of pleasantness and ease within. When other things happen, I create unpleasantness and unease within. I have the power to create heaven or I can create hell.
I have been seeking a way to live where it doesn’t matter what happens to me, because I am an expert at keeping my internal environment as pleasant and peaceful as I desire.
Here are some ways that we create hell within, and some ways we can open the doors to heaven instead.
Hell is being obsessed with what other people think of us.
- Realizing that people project their own experiences.
- It is not personal.
Continue reading “9 ways we create hell & how to create heaven instead”