Friends, I know I had promised to share my thoughts on conscious relationships this Friday – but I have been quite scattered this last week and couldn’t find the time to write it. So instead, I share with you something I had sitting in my drafts for some time. I know a couple of you were looking forward to that post and I am sorry it isn’t ready yet. It will be soon!
We all know someone who completely transformed themselves – leaving almost no trace of their old self behind. Maybe it was a friend, maybe it was a friend of a friend of a friend.
We most often see these kinds of transformations on the physical level. It could be a person, who you know has spent their whole life struggling with their weight, and always putting themselves on new diets and work out plans – but always seems to remain the same. Until one day, something just clicks, and everything changes. Not only do they transform their physical body, but they transform their life too. Who are they are changes. And when you are with them again, they just feel different, somehow.
So you you get curious. You want to know what their nutrition plan is, or what kind of work outs they’re doing. And then you try these things too, following along closely like they’ve handed you a recipe for a new self that you too have been craving. And perhaps you do lose a few pounds, or maybe you don’t at all. And you think to yourself “I just don’t get it. why don’t I see the changes that they did?”
The thing is – everyone knows what it takes to lose weight. We all know that it’s diet and exercise. There’s no mystery or secret to it. And yet, so many of us struggle to achieve it.
Is it a question of willpower, or is there more to it than that?
There are also people who completely transform themselves from a personality standpoint. They grow abundantly in happiness, confidence, charisma and power. Or perhaps they undergo huge transformative lifestyle changes and achieve great success and recognition. Their entire day-to-day life changes.
This kind of transformation is magical and, even a little bit unnerving to witness. It’s the complete metamorphosis of a person; from a caterpillar to a butterfly. The shedding of your skin and stepping into your true power.
If you ever find yourself coraving this kind of transformation for yourself, then maybe you believe there is more to yourself and more to your life than the one you are living. And you’re probably right.
So let’s talk about it.
Don’t live for the peak moments of life
When we envision our future, transformed-best self, we tend to see ourselves in moments of victory and attaining the prize of our hard work; getting the coveted job, the outstanding promotion, the dream house, the stunning wedding, the money, the recognition or the number on the scale that makes our heart sing.
But these pinnacle moments of achievement occur for a fleeting moment of time. What about the in-between moments?
Who are you when you are waiting in line at the grocery store?
Or when you’re walking across your drive way to your car?
This is your baseline self, and this is where the work must be done. We must work with our baseline self, raise it to the highest vibe it can be, then these pinnacle moments of glory will gravitate and align onto your path and just keep on comin’.
Why is change so hard?
This is how many of us live:
We wake up in the morning to the sound of an alarm clock that sends our body into a sense of stress, followed by apathy about our day. We reach for our phone – and everything we see, every text, every e-mail, every photo we look at, every article we read, downloads into our psyche and infuses our state of mind and our thoughts.
If we give ourselves a moment to feel, and think, we would feel the same feelings and the same thoughts we recycled from yesterday. We then enter a set of routines that were born out of our need for comfort and security.
We get out of bed in the same way, on the same side. We put the kettle on, brush our teeth, and put on our clothes. We eat the same thing, drink the same thing, see the same people, walk the same way, talk the same way, we sit in the same seat we always sit in. We do the same things we always do. We play out our ingrained karmic software – our past programming.
The moment you decide to change one of these things you always do, you will meet resistance. It will be painful. Eventually you might tell yourself “this is just not for me.” but really, it isn’t that it isn’t right for you, it just doesn’t feel familiar to you. It doesn’t feel comfortable. We put so much effort into staying safe and comfortable, that anything other than this feels wrong.
Our entire day is a series of choices. Our work is to be awake to these choices we make. Our work is to choose consciously.
It is hard. It’s tiring; being so present, being so on, being so here and now. We tend go into autopilot, but when we are in autopilot, transformation is impossible.
Reflections of the past
Here’s the thing – almost everything about the way we are and the way we live our life is entrenched in the past.
Our thoughts are the reactions we formed to the things that have happened in the past. We tend to keep thinking the same things about the same things. And if something new happens, it shocks the system, and we scan our memories to find the most relatable thing that happened to us, and use those thoughts.
Even our personality is a product of the past. The characteristics we have are just long-lived reactions to things that have happened in the past. If we eliminated that, we would have no defined personality. We would be totally free to choose how we want to be in every moment.
The first thoughts we have in the morning are echos of yesterday. On autopilot, we scan our mind to see how we felt yesterday, and recycle those same thoughts and feelings for today as well.
Even our relationships are rooted in the past. How often do we meet people exactly as they are today, and exactly as we are today?
Occasionally we reach a peak where we achieve something we’ve been waiting for. Often, it’s short lived, and before long we are back to our baseline self. How we always are.
Transformation happens in the present, not in the future
If you live every aspect of your life in the past, transformation will not be possible. Because true transformation occurs in the present moment.
Staying the same is in the past.
This might be surprising to you. Because when we think about transforming ourselves, we project it as something that happens in the future. There is no future. There is only now, and transformation happens now.
Staying the same, on the other hand, we think it’s something that happens in the present moment, because we are “the same” right now – but actually, it’s a product of the past because who you are now is a reflection of the the things that have happened in the past with some lag time.
As soon as who you are becomes a reflection of the present moment – that is when transformation happens.
Here are 6 ways to begin your transformation.
1. Embody your transformed self in the in-between moments of your day
Embody your future self, while you’re waiting for the water to boil. Or the bath tub to fill. Or the microwave to ping.
This is why full transformation is so rare. Because to really change our life, we have to change who we are. This is beyond “change”, which is selective, and picks one aspect of your self to change. This is transformation – where none of the old remains. It is a complete transformation of our baseline self.
2. Increase number of conscious moments in your day
Since transformation is rooted in the present moment, by increasing the number of conscious moments in your day, you awaken to the possibility of transformation. Don’t grab your phone the first thing the morning. Take some time to decide who you are, feel the moment and choose your day before you immerse yourself in other peoples choices.
Bringing awareness to your every day thoughts, feelings, actions is the first step for transforming yourself.
3. Push through the discomfort of conscious choice
Each time you act in a way that is different from your “programming”, it is going to feel uncomfortable and you will resist it. Keep making conscious choices. Keep doing hard things. Stay awake. Don’t go back to sleep.
4. No Zero days
I love the concept of “no zero days”. That means once you pick your goal/activity, work towards it in some way, every single day. No days off. That means on the days you need to rest, you still do something small.
If your goal is to read, you read every single day. On a day that you don’t have time to read, make sure you read at least 1 page.
Commit to a no zero days practice and see where that takes you.
5. Practice the Inner work
The difference between transformation and short-lived change, is that transformation takes a great deal of inner work. When you transform yourself internally, then you become untouchable. Transformation means you never go back.
Look at your goal, and ask yourself – who do I need to be in order to match the level of that goal? And do the inner work to think and feel like that person.
6. Flow with the sacred synchronicity of life
Life wants you to transform. Every moment is an invitation for it. So as soon as you start doing the work, the momentum will come. As soon as you get into alignment with your true calling – energetically things start lining up. This will draw the next right thing to you. And the next. You start living your day to day life in a state of power and flow. This is transformation.\
From a human to a force
Each time my thoughts, feelings, actions (+ energy) has aligned in one direction, I feel something truly spectacular happening within me and in my life. I feel like I go from being a woman to a force – the only way I know to describe it. In my life, these moments have so far been too infrequent for what I’m looking for, but I’m always chasing it. I’m always trying to sustain this state a little bit longer each time it comes. I think that’s the secret to true transformation.
Self Reflection prompts:
(Journal, think about, talk about, or share in the comments)
Has there been an area of your life/self that you transformed completely?
How did you do it? What did it take?
Is there an area of your life/self that you crave transformation in?
What is your vision? What does your transformed self look like?
What are 5 things you can do to embody that state today?