How to change your feelings



Our thoughts are light, speedy, aimless things. Most of the time they are like arrows shot with no target in sight, fired by an inexperienced shooter.

Our thoughts originate from a culmination of our sensory perceptions. Everything we hear, see, touch, taste is translated into a thought and documented for a brief moment. Thoughts can be more than just observations though. They can take on a certain tone too. It is complex, but for simplicities sake lets say they can be “positive” or “negative”.

Our thoughts change super fast, like rapid fire. One day someone says something good to you and your thoughts are pleasant. The very next day, the same person says something bad to you, and your thoughts become awful for the rest of the day.

Our thoughts change rapidly for two reasons. Firstly, because our sensory environment changes constantly. Secondly, because we lack the inner mastery to control our thoughts.


Feelings originate from a cumulation of our thoughts. Feelings take time to build and to change direction. They usually just get heavier and heavier until they can feel overwhelming.

Feelings are thick, heavy, gooey, sticky things. They move like molasses, slow and sticky.

It takes time to gather. It can be difficult to redirect your feelings, to simply turn a switch and decide to “feel differently about someone or something”. They are a powerful force, pushing in the direction that you spilled it.

A negative feeling about a person is built up of numerous thoughts about that person. By that point you are already quite deep. Even if you start thinking good thoughts about them, it will take time before you start to really and genuinely feel different about them. Because our feelings have a certain lag time.If we start thinking bad thoughts about someone today, after some time, eventually our feelings will also start to change towards them.

That’s why you can’t have negative thoughts about someone and feel good towards them. You can’t feel negatively about someone and act normally around them.


Our feelings tend to influence the way we act.

Having a pleasant experience of life

If we want to have a pleasant experience of life that means that our actions in this life have to yield pleasant results. They have to uplift our life and the life of others.

Our feelings need to be pleasant. They should invoke peace and optimism within us. If we feel anything other than that, if we feel restless, angry, bitter, sadness – all of these things will make life unpleasant and at times even unbearable, for us.

And for this to happen our thoughts should also be consistently pleasant to create these feelings. But this takes a certain degree of mastery.

We need to learn how to change our feelings.

How to change your feelings

1. Ask yourself “Who am I in this situation?”

In all areas of our life, we can ask ourself this simple question. Who am I in this situation? What are my responsibilities, what are my duties here?

What would the wisest, most loving, most peaceful, most intelligent and kindest version of yourself  do in this situation? How would he/she behave?

Do your best to do just that.

In the great epic dialogue between Krishna and Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna seeks Krishna’s guidance on how to establish his dharma in life. He seeks Krishna’s counsel on how he should live this life, how he should act.

Krishna. at one point tells him “Arjuna, you do not know how to act because you do not know who you are.”

I find this such a profound message. And I this applies to many of us, certainly myself. That’s why we keep learning, keep trying to understand how to live a happy life – because we don’t know who we are yet. As soon as we understand this concept, all other things become superfluous.

But for now….I think we are at least moving in the right direction!

So, it’s simple. Decide WHO you are, WHO you want to be, and act accordingly.

2. Keep thinking deeply about your actions, and soon your feelings will follow.

New age books like “The secret” talk a lot about changing your thoughts to change your feelings and thus to change your life.

But anyone who has had to tried to lift a heavy feeling about life, anyone who has tried to change their thoughts about a dismal day is really, really tough. Perhaps after a certain level of self-mastery we will be able to do that, but for now, it’s pretty hard! Suppose you are having the worst most heartbroken day of your life, and you try to control just one thought, to transform it into something positive – in reality I think it’s quite rarely successful.

Instead, I think a good place to begin is to start big. To start by looking at your actions. How you act is easier to control than your thoughts (initially). After some time, after a period of consistently acting from your soul consciousness, your feelings begin to follow. Slowly, though. But they will change. As I said, feelings take a long time to change direction. Once your feelings start moving in a consistent direction that you want to move in, so will your thoughts, gradually.

Imagine the incredible power that is in having your deeds, feelings and thoughts all moving in the same direction?

This is integrity.

And imagine the magnificent power that is in having your deeds, feelings and thoughts all moving in the direction that you want them to move in?

This is Freedom.

All my love to all of you
Malavika xo


  1. Thank you – two amazingly well put suggestions – that we all can apply – may this week will make us remember those, greetings from Europe – long time reader Signe Btw – congratulations to both of you – may your love be big and find itself in every moment of the day!

    1. Hi Signe, It is sooo good to hear from you again! Thank you so much for your sweet wishes, they mean a lot to me. Hug!

  2. I came across ur blog while searching about wanting to meet my spirit guides thru meditation… I love the way u explain how to do it! So simple and ur helpful hints were great!!
    I look forward to my ” first date” with my guides
    Congrats on your recent nuptials!
    You have a beautiful spirit and soul….keep spreading your “good word”

    1. Hi Joann!
      So wonderful to hear from you, and here is a warm welcome to my blog! Feel free to stay in touch 🙂

      m xo

  3. Wow !! This was such a unique and scientific take on feelings and thoughts! A great read indeed. The way you provided simple solutions while acknowledging the fact that its not easy, connects with the reader so well. Reading it was like talking to someone who really cares. And the Bhagwad Gita quote! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget that. The question ‘who am I’ will definitely cross my mind the next time I am confused or about to do something stupid. Thank you so much for sharing, Malvika. Loved every bit of it 🙂

    1. So glad to hear that you found something valuable in this post. And how kind of you to share your kind words with me, your encouragement means a lot to me. Thank you and hope to hear from you again.

  4. sir plz help me my prob is I am a boy but I love a boy not girl why how to change my feeling plz

    1. Oh Vikash.

      I don’t believe you need to change your feelings. Your feelings are not wrong. I believe you need to find the inner strength to live in your truth. There is so much I would like to say to you, more than I would feel comfortable to write in a public comment like this. But I believe you are at the beginning of a very long, difficult but worthwhile road to yourself and to your liberation and freedom. I hope you take this journey. Please feel free to e-mail me if you would like to talk some more.

Leave a Reply