Life has been floating by. I stopped writing and I stopped taking photographs. I just couldn’t find it in me. I think there was too much to feel and be a part of lately.
After Mia’s due date passed, I couldn’t quite come back from it. The day itself was as difficult as I had anticipated, but there was a heaviness in the weeks to follow that made life slow and tired. I feel forever changed, touched by death.
I spent a short time with my parents in BC. One afternoon I said to my mother “I am to you what Mia is to me. You must love me so much.”
My mom just smiled.
Slowly, I find myself coming back to my words.
And I wrote something about my daughter. It was too big to be a poem, and too small to be a story. So here it is, rough, but loved – a little piece of writing from my heart.
I waited for you, for a very long time, since the beginning of the winter, since the beginning of time. You promised you would come one summer, and that one day we would meet, one day we would fly together, and my heart would be complete.
Today I wanted to write about the joy of nothing. I wanted to write a post the way I usually do, to explain this concept, but a poem came through instead.
Some of the most beautiful things that have happened to me are best expressed as poetry. This is a semi-formed poem. It didn’t become the poem I intended it to be, it became something else.
It was born out of a meditation and a certain knowingness I have come to understand in my life that, maybe there is nothing standing in the way of me and my soul. Maybe it takes absolutely nothing to be joyful.