I have a juicy topic to discuss with you today. Marriage. Life-long commitments to love. Soulmates.
You may have noticed that I love love, and that I love my husband. I am romantic and I am a relationship oriented person. I learned many of my major life lessons through the relationships I’ve had – and though that is not everyone’s path, and perhaps not the path I would necessarily recommend, it has been my experience and I honour it as such.
Many of you may also already know that I had an arranged marriage. I believe I have a valuable perspective as a person who has had relationships and has ultimately had an arranged marriage. Picking your life partner, your ride or die is a very important decision. And it is something we have to do when we’re relatively young and don’t necessarily have the life experience, maturity or wisdom to pick a good one. We may not even have the skills we need to grow love, I know I certainly didn’t. It’s one of those things you learn while doing. It is the great work of love.
Note: I had been wanting to share some photographs from our wedding day 2 years ago, but for some reason never got around to it. So I have included them in this post 🙂 The photographs bring me back to such a wonderful day in my life, and I hope you enjoy them.
I have something to tell you. My marriage is blossoming.
It is so full of love. And joy.
It feels like a flower that is in bloom in the summer. The season is right. The atmosphere is right. The flower grows and blooms and it is beautiful. I don’t need to do anything, I only need to admire its grace.
But it wasn’t always like this. There were a lot of bumps in the beginning.
The night before the wedding we have a party at my grandparents home. It is a chance for me to receive blessings from all our relatives and close family members. My grandfather is a strong, wise man who adores all his grandchildren. He asked me “What would make the party special for you?” and I said “lights.”
When I stepped outside after getting ready, I felt like I had walked into a magical world, a fairytale garden. The warm indian breeze, the inky blue night sky, the starlight and fairy lights, the emerald green reflecting off the trees.
For those who know anything about Indian weddings, they will know it is no easy feat. It is full of beautiful rituals and wonderful traditions, all designed to prepare the bride for her journey in this lifetime as a wife. I enjoyed every single moment of this experience. And look back at this dreamy celebration with so much gratitude and joy.
The first wedding event was the Sangeet and Haldi.
The Sangeet function is a music and dance event. A bright, vibrant celebration of preparing for all the magic of a wedding . Songs that are about weddings are played, women dance together and laugh together. They rejoice in all that love and marriage is!
The Haldi is the ritual applying of Haldi (turmeric- for her spiritual purification) all over my body, along with honey (for her sweetness of character) and milk (for innocence of her heart) all over the bride, preparing her on the heart and soul level for becoming a wife.
Love is a spiritual attribute therefore it comes at a high price. That means that love is not something that comes passively, it must be worked at throughout life. All spiritually valuable commodities come at high price (such as patience, humility, kindness, optimism, honesty). That means that all these qualities are practiced consistently over time. You don’t become patient or humble overnight. Similarly with love, we do not become loving over night. We cannot achieve true love after 3 months with the partner we have chosen. A spiritually developed person, who has truly developed their ability to love, can feel this love for every living thing. They possess a special type of love for anyone.
It is impossible to decide to “love” and think of it in textbook terms. It is one thing to say “I have made the decision to love everyone” and it is a completely different thing to truly feel that genuine and sincere love in our heart for everyone. We can only start to nurture this loving feeling within our hearts, we can create an environment in our soul that allows love to grow without killing it. This can take a very long time, sometimes a whole lifetime, sometimes more than one lifetime. But that’s what we are here to do, so let’s get started today.
These days we throw around the word “love” like cheap currency. We make it synonymous with things like lust, passion, desire – but as you can see – there are other words for that. So we should try to keep the word “love” as pure as possible, and as true to it’s real meaning as much as we possibly can. Because love is not passion, nor is it desire, and love is definitely not lust. These feelings have nothing to do with real love, and don’t give any realistic indication of what real love is.
The rate of divorces and separations is increasing exponentially in our culture today. The Vedas actually predict that in the future, the couple who has remained together for life will be seen as saint-people – those who possess some mystical ability to hold a relationship together for life.
According to the Vedas, there are 7 stages of love in a marriage between two people.
According to the Vedas there are 7 stages of the destruction of relationships and family happiness. I will share them with you here today.
This information is from Ayurvedic doctor and guru of Vedic philosophy, Dr. Oleg Torsunov’s newsletter. I call it a horror story because it freaks me out! It shows how easy it can be to get trapped in a downward spiral to unhappiness without even realizing what is going on. After reading this information, I hope that we will be more aware of the warning signs of what begins the destruction of family happiness, so that we can avoid it in our own relationships.