On falling behind in life

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I believe it is the norm for us to share our struggles after we have conquered them, our lessons after we have learned them. They say hindsight is always 20/20 after all. And to talk about something painful, when you are no longer in the crux of it, has always been a safer place to tell your tale.

This has always been the defaulted way I have shared the stories of my life too. That is, until my daughter died at 25 weeks of pregnancy and suddenly I had no choice but to share my story from the deep dark center of it. The thought of having to do that was incredibly unnerving and uncomfortable. I had no happy ending to pacify myself with, no lessons learned to lean on, no answers – only questions. All I had was the chaotic unravelling, the burning grief and the unsettling uncertainty of the unknown.

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Am I too sensitive?

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I think it is common knowledge that to be intuitive is to be sensitive.

We spiritual seekers, we wear our identity of a “highly sensitive person” like a badge. To be quite honest with you, I am not sure of how sensitivity is received in our society today; I don’t know if it is trendy to be sensitive, or if it is looked down upon and silently ridiculed. But it doesn’t much matter to me – because I know what it feels like, and I can decide if it is something I enjoy or not.

In our quest for a deeper spiritual connection in life, I find that I become more and more sensitive.

But then I noticed that…I am sensitive to the wrong things, to the things that do not necessarily serve my spiritual growth.

I became sensitive to people’s opinions, their moods, their approval or disapproval of me.

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13 ways to live a conscious day

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I’ve always believed that our spiritual practice should not end after 30 minutes on our meditation mat. It should leak into all aspects of our day. That’s how transformation happens. And that’s what I want – transformation.

There are so many ways to bring consciousness into our day. Here are just 13. When I dedicated myself to practicing these 13 small things every day, I started noticing changes in my life and in myself within just 2 weeks.

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Reflections of me

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I initially wrote this post in a private blog that I write in, but I thought I would share these self-reflections with you today – perhaps you and I have shared some of these experiences, or perhaps not. But I like to hear about the personal growth journeys of others, so I hope you may enjoy reading this too.

My life has been pretty easy for me. For the most part. Losing my first baby was a truly humbling experience. Everything else that I have struggled with in my life has been mostly my doing.

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28 years

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This time when I opened up my Evernote note on my laptop where I collect all my lessons and reflections on life throughout the year, so that I can share them with you on my birthday – I thought to myself “Hmmm, I don’t think I learned that much this year.” 

….But WordPress is telling me that this blog post is over 2000 words, so perhaps I did learn a few things after all! 

Thank you for being so patient with me. I know that I have been neglecting my blog, but it is something I would like to come back to, and I will. 

Here are links to my birthday reflections from 27 years old, and 25


It is a foolish thing to live another day of your life like it was promised to you.

You can make a person smile. You can make a person laugh. But you cannot make a person happy.

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How to notice the magic of life

 

Magic 1.jpgI once got an e-mail from a reader who once asked about the magic of life, how to see it, how to feel it, how to live from within it.

The magic of life; the most beautiful thing about it is that it is already the fabric of everything, we just have to notice it.

Here are some of the magic that I have noticed in my life. I hope that it may bring a soft, sweet awareness to your day.

Most of the things I have written here, are things we do or experience everyday, but we do it mindlessly, without noticing the majesty of it all. When we do that, we miss the magic of life. I believe that bringing some awareness to these simple acts and truths, can truly transform your life. It has certainly changed mine.

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When life gives you lemons

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I consider myself a fortunate person with a blessed life.

But I have been both the giver and receiver of lemons.

And I guess losing our daughter was a lemon. I think we can all agree on that.

But no matter what happens to me in my life, no matter what experiences I am thrown into, I have the opportunity to ask myself these questions;

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Mother’s Day

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Mia,

in your 6 months of life you changed everything

you made a girl into a mother

a man into a father,

you turned two into three,

you showed me life,

you showed me death,

you are as close to me as you are far

with only one infuriating inch of space that separates us

and even though I am a mother who has to understand 

that your journey in this life was a short one,

I can’t help but wish that you were in my life

instead of all around it. 

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Why I’m not a positive person

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I’ve asked some friends and they said they would consider me to be a positive person. In fact, as I walk this unimaginable path of the loss of our first unborn child, so many have told me they admire my positivity.

Even my husband often says that I’m a positive person.

But really, I’m not. I’m not a positive person.

…But I’m not a negative person either.

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27 years of life

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I am 27 years old today.

I am sitting at my parent’s dining table. It is 6:30 in the morning. The house is quiet and the new risen sun is pouring its warm white light through the window and onto me.

Over the last few years I have been compiling a list of lessons, reflections and realizations I experience in my life. 2 years ago I shared everything I had written in there to that point. You can find that post here.

Since then I have learned a few more things and I would like to share them with you today.


Never touch anything with half of your heart.

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