A letter for the broken hearted

a letter for the broken hearted

Heartbreak is a universal phenomenon. It is a deep, burning ache that transcends cultures, countries, age, social classes and languages. It is a thread woven into the human fabric. It moves us all.

These are words for the broken hearted….

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How to find lightness in the dark (Part 1)

It is April. My birthday month. And I am coming to a time of great reflection over the way my life has been so far, especially in the last year or so. Where the only word to describe life would have been….sdkofhisiodhfaliuohlsidhaifdsgajsbfaoaaksdnflsl. And not in a good way!

I was a very sad person for a long time. I felt like I was stuck on a merry-go-round, spinning uncontrollably round and round, and it was making me sick to my stomach, but I just couldn’t get off it.

My life was hanging low, hanging dark and deep for a long time. Like the mist that blankets a lake on a cold winters morning. But now the winter has lifted, and heaviness of my own breath is gone. A new sunlight glitters delicately where the shadows once slept.

It was not/is not an easy journey to take. And every step required some kind of internal strength that I didn’t know I had. I wanted to share with you my reflections during this time. And a few of the things I did, some of the steps I took, that helped me move forward in life. I hope they will be helpful for you. I will also post this post in a few instalments as it is quite long. Here is the first part.

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1. Developed a Spiritual practice

Continue reading “How to find lightness in the dark (Part 1)”

How to feel better.

Because we all have those days. When all you want to do is feel better. About yourself. About your relationships. About your love. About your life. About your world. About your priorities. About somebody elses priorities. About your reality. About your truth.

Bring your attention to your body.

Let’s start outwards and work our way in. Bring all your attention to your body. This is step one in the grounding process, because when we are upset and scattered, we are ungrounded.

So get connected with your body again. How does it feel?  What hurts? Where are you holding tension? What doesn’t feel right and balanced.

Just experience it. You don’t have to do anything about it.

Bring your attention to your feelings

How are you feeling? Take the next minute to literally name your feelings.

Sad. Frustrated. Lonely. Bored. Scared. Nervous. Heavy. Stressed. Disappointed. Let down. Heartbroken.

Now take the time to express your feelings.

In a safe and appropriate way. Even at this stage, we are not “fixing” the problem. We are just done with resisting the problem. We are accepting these feelings. We are going to do what we can with these feelings. We are going to express them.

Cry if you need to.

Scream into a pillow you need to.

Think about it for a while if you need to.

Complain about it to yourself if you need to.

 

Now you can release these feelings.

And it will be easy because you have not resisted them.They have lived their purpose. They served as a universal indicator of something that is out of balance in your world. You don’t have to be sad. You just had to listen.

At this stage, you can simply call your guides and angels and hand over whatever is troubling you to them.

 

What can I do now?

Now ask yourself, what can I do right now that will help bring me to peace in this situation?

Maybe you can make a phone call. Maybe you could explain how you feel in a loving and non-overly emotional and non-blaming way. Maybe you could go to sleep. Maybe you could get organized. Maybe you could start doing some work. Maybe you could talk to somebody. Maybe you could let something go. Maybe you could take more time for yourself. Maybe you could put yourself first. Maybe you could just relax.

 

Take action now.

And whatever it is that you decide that you can do right now – do it. Make your peace a priority in your life and take the steps you need to take to make this your truth and thus your reality.

 

 

Feel better soon 🙂 We all can.

 

If you want to be given everything – give everything up.

Have you ever watched the movie “Crash” (I totally recommend it). I absolutely loved the soundtrack from the movie – this one song in particular:

In the deep – Bird york.

 

 

 

The best part of this song, was at the end of it, the woman’s voice that whispers “If you want to be given everything, give everything up.”

I think this is the perfect summery of what it means to be in a state of receiving. To not be attached to one outcome in particular.

Sometimes we cling to steadfastly onto what we believe is the “highest possible outcome” for ourselves. We think – this is how it has to be. Anything that deviates from this – is “Wrong.”

And sometimes these things don’t work out, and we are sad and all kinds of empty. And we wonder “what went wrong? Why doesn’t anything work out for me?”

When my troubles come rolling in, and things don’t go the way I planned, and I question myself and the universe, Miss Prescot gently reminds me that “So things didn’t happen the way you planned. This is exciting. This means that even the highest vision you had for yourself is not as high and great and as mighty and as wonderful as the one the universe has for you. So now all you have to do is wait, and be surprised!”

If you want something, and it just doesn’t seem to be happening – it’s time to let it go. It’s time to let it go so that it can actually happen for you.

It’s kind of like closing your eyes and telling someone “you can get me any gift you want for Christmas, but only if it’s a red car!!!”

 

Letting go is scary. I’ll be the first to admit that. It’s hard to embrace nothingness – but this is where all good things bloom.

 

It’s like leaving a long term relationship that just isn’t right for you anymore.

And not having somebody else you may be interested in.

And not really having any real plan about what to do now, other than loving yourself.

 

It’s like leaving a job that you thought was right for you (And maybe was right for you for some time – but perhaps not any more).

And not having another one ready to go.

And not really having any real plan about what to do now, other than experiencing yourself.

 

 

It’s that moment of emptiness and possibilities. You’re living on the edge. You’re living on the horizon of your life. And for that moment – however long this moment may last – you are completely open. You are open to a higher reality.

It is in this moment that something new is about to open up for you, but we so rarely step away from our shore, that we don’t see the ship coming in.

Be ready to let go.

Of everything.

Even the things you think you need.

Especially the things you think you need.

Life is dynamic. Allow it to change. And become ok with it.

It’s a moment of living on the brink. You may be full of fear. But if you just experience the fear, and let it wash over you, what will remain is passion, creativity, and inspiration.

 

Please never be afraid of recreating yourself. This is your birth right. We are bornmto be free, with this innate ability recreate ourselves in order to experience ourselves in a different way. Just because you’ve done something this way for a long time, does not justify doing it forever.

 

What can you let go of today?

How to kick your motivational slump in the butt!

This is something I think we all struggle with at some point in our life. I would say I am a pretty upbeat, positive and inspired person – yet I still face days where I could really use a kick of inspiration to get me excited about my life again.I don’t think this is because there is anything inherently “wrong” with our lives (though at times, there may well be things we need to change), because down time is important. So take your down time, and enjoy it. But what happens when you start thinking “well, that break was great, but now I really need to get going again”Well, you will probably find this blog post and begin implementing some awesome changes in your life.I am sure there are many other things that work, but these are the ones that work well for me.

1. Review your life

This is the most crucial step. You can’t think about getting ahead if you don’t accurately know where you are. And no, just knowing that you feel “bleh” about your life does not suffice. You need to be more specific. What doesn’t work right now in your life? Is it your diet? Your body? Your cluttered mind? Your family dynamics? Your school work? Your relationship? Your groundedness? Your groove?

It’s easy to start feeling overwhelmed by all the things that are “going wrong” and “not working” in your life if you don’t cut to the chase and start getting really specific about what exactly is not working for you anymore.

Interesting story – the other night, I did this exact thing. I went through a list of things that were not working in my life and one of the items on the list was “I need help doing my laundry”. I know it sounds silly, but it really gets me down. I just can’t carry my laundry load all the way to the launderette, its too heavy and my little baby arms just can’t do it! Anyway, just talking about it made me feel a little bit better, because it was like I was “handing it over” to a higher power. Miss Prescot (my spirit guide) just told me that everything would be okay.

And then what happened? Only the most amazing thing ever. I randomly started telling my roommate Marie, about my laundry anxiety, and she said “….Look what came in the mail today!” and she handed me a flyer. The flyer was about this laundry service which comes, picks up your clothes, washes and dries, and FOLDS your clothes and returns it to you the following day – AND all of this is cheaper for me, than to actually use the one in my neighbouhood!

 

2. Set goals in the different “areas” of your life

.If you just start thinking “I need to change my life. How can I change my life?!” you’re being too broad and you are unlikely to be able to effectively make any true changes. Split your life into categories, and create some exciting goals for each one. How do you want each one to be looking once your life feels more like “you” again?I like to use:

School

Relationships

My spirituality

Work

Hobbies

Health and body wellness

3. Commit to a new fitness program.

Nothing gets me more exciting than committing to a new fitness program. It could be a schedule for the gym, the pool, gymnastics, running, dancing, aerobics, yoga, pilates, you name it! Just creating your time table and commiting to a few hours a week of some body lovin’ is very inspiring.

If you are not living in the body of your dreams, then this is the first and most important step you can take!Find a fitness program that truly resonates with you and have fun with it. Join the gym, sign up for classes, let your hair down! I started dance classes (and my yoga classes begin in November) and I just cannot get enough of them. But that’s a post for another day 😉

4. Fix your diet.

I’m learning now (the hard way) that a lousy diet can really effect your sense of internal peace and wellness. So plan your meals in advance, be conscious about what you put into your mouth, eat when you’re hungry, don’t eat when you’re not. Lots of fruits, vegetables, water and vitamins.

Find a diet that works for you and maybe go on a 30 day detox! My roommate Michelle and I are cutting chocolate and junk out of our diet beginning on Tuesday. I’m kind of nervous (because the chocolate here is just so damn tasty) but I am more excited about how great I’m going to feel after!

 

5. Change something about your appearance.

This is a fun one and it is up to you how drastic you want the change to be. You could get a hair cut, buy a cute new outfit, paint your nails a different colour, wear a colour you don’t usually wear, change your style! Remember there is not guidebook for how you should be living your life, and just because you have looked a certain way all your life, doesn’t mean you have to stay that way forever! Who cares what people think? To be totally honest, they are probably more concerned with how THEY look than how you look. So do it! Be bold.

When you look in the mirror and start seeing a “different you” you start to attract that. You start to attract the you that you would really like to be.So, how would your dream self be looking like and dressing like? Mix it up!

 

 

6. De-clutter! Create your space.

How hard is it to make some real life changes when everything about your surroundings says “I’M STILL THE OLD ME!!”?

Very hard, i’ll tell you that much!So feng-shui up your life! Create your own personal haven. Candles, fairy lights, beautiful flowers, crystals, clean, minimalist, artistic, authentic – you. Whatever works for you!

As Oprah says “Your home should rise up to greet you.”Get rid of everything you don’t need, won’t need, don’t use, don’t love.

 

 

7. Wake up earlier – find a sleeping pattern that works for you.

Make better use of your time by waking up earlier and getting in the habit of being productive! Try just waking up an hour or two earlier than you usually do and notice the amazing benefits it has on your life.

 

 

8. Spend some time in meditation.

Many times when we are feeling overwhelmed and uninspired, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to spend some time alone, quietly, in meditation and contemplation. At first, it’s going to be hard – especially if you are not feeling very grounded – but keep at it, and over time, you will master it. It will bring you more peace than anything in your life – ever.And you can do this for yourself. And I think that is amazing.

 

 

9. Organize your life – collect all your “incoming tasks” into one place.

Another reason we feel overwhlemed is because we are not effiently and effectively collecting our “incoming” tasks.

By incoming tasks , I mean our neverending to-do list. Go grocery shopping, take out trash, write blog post, finish physics assignment, figure out what the hell is going on in physics, write up lab report, buy socks, change sheets, eat, oh…cook first, then eat, meditate, call mrs. bla bla about bla bla bla bla.

If we do not keep track of each and every single one of our incoming tasks in an approiate way we instantly feel overwhelmed, and even when you do get something done, it won’t feel very great, because you don’t even know exactly what you exactly you are working with.

I recommend writing things down, it could be hand written or on a computer – it doesn’t matter- but it should be in one place. A lovely moleskine journal (my favourite), or on your computer. Whatever works for you.Sit down, and make a list. Right now. Of everything you have to do, that needs to be done, that needs your attention, that needs your acknowledgement, or for your to delegate the task to another person. Just putting it all down on paper helps your mind relax instead of trying desperately to grasp onto these random fragments of information and to-do-listness.

 

10. Be productive with your time!

Nothing will give you a surge of inspiration like taking daily action towards your goals. I notice that I tend to fall into a slump when I don’t do the things I need to do. When I don’t prioritize and do what is important when it is important. I quickly fall into this habit, and before I know it, I’m doing useless things that are wasting my time, and I lose sight of my goal.

So, set yourself a challenge every morning to name your top three MOST important tasks of the day. What are the three things that you must absolutely get done? And then, the second half of the challenge is to ensure that you try your hardest to complete these tasks before 12:00pm that day.If you don’t feel that is enough time, waking up earlier is probably a good idea for you 😉

 

I hope these help you guys 🙂

I’m going to London this long weekend, where I will be reunited with my best friends EVER after over 3 years apart. I will take lots of pictures, eat lots of mind-blowingly good food, and do a lot of shopping in true malavika-style.

love

m

 

How to own your dark side

There was a time in my life, from around age 13 to age 16 where I felt like I was evil. It isn’t that I thought I was possessed or anything like that – no, I just felt like a really bad person. I struggled with this feeling for so long. I remember telling my friends at the time “I am so evil, I just know I am, and it sucks and it hurts” and they would listen to me lovingly, and say “I don’t understand why you keep saying that – I don’t think you are evil in any way” but it had no effect on me. They would always ask me what made me think I was so evil, and I couldn’t come up with any real list – it was just a sinking feeling I couldn’t describe. I felt as though I did bad things, wanted bad things, hurt people for my own purpose.

But all it was, was that I hurt myself and when you hurt yourself – everything hurts too. I didn’t own my dark – so much so that it overcame me and filled my life. It’s all I could see and feel. As soon as I began the process of spiritual inquiry, to really ask myself these questions about myself (and to actually answer them too), I realized that hey – I’m a pretty neat person. And that I wasn’t inflicted with some all consuming evilness – all I had was wounded self love. At my moment of realization (though it was not really a “moment” but a work in progress), I may not have loved myself, but I sure as hell realized there was a lot to love.

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