On falling behind in life

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I believe it is the norm for us to share our struggles after we have conquered them, our lessons after we have learned them. They say hindsight is always 20/20 after all. And to talk about something painful, when you are no longer in the crux of it, has always been a safer place to tell your tale.

This has always been the defaulted way I have shared the stories of my life too. That is, until my daughter died at 25 weeks of pregnancy and suddenly I had no choice but to share my story from the deep dark center of it. The thought of having to do that was incredibly unnerving and uncomfortable. I had no happy ending to pacify myself with, no lessons learned to lean on, no answers – only questions. All I had was the chaotic unravelling, the burning grief and the unsettling uncertainty of the unknown.

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Lessons I have learned from starting my own business at 18 (Part 1)

Hi! Here are some little (and some not so little) lessons I have picked up along the journey of creating and nurturing my business. There will be two parts to this post, so if you like what you read, keep your eyes open tomorrow for the second installment. It’s a very long post, so I apologize in advance (I know how annoying it is to read really long things online), but for those of you who are interested in my own experience of the work I do, here it is! I’m really bad at these introduction things, so I’ll just start with my list (making lists is something i’m very good at).

Continue reading “Lessons I have learned from starting my own business at 18 (Part 1)”

Make your life extraordinary today.

Just think, if you were to use all of your talents to the maximum of your ability, if you were to enjoy every moment of every day, if you were to see the truth in every moment, if you were to prioritize and do what’s important when it is important, if you tried your very hardest in all that you do, if you actually did everything you needed to do, if you loved everyone exactly as they are, just think of how amazing your life would be. Think of the kind of things you would be achieving, the mountains you would be climbing, the things you would be learning, the relationships you would be enjoying.Make your life extraordinary today.

This is something I wrote myself and stuck on my wall. It reminds me of how different my life could be if I actually lived to my full potential. I hope it inspires you the way it inspires me every time I read it.

Remember that it is our job to use each moment to make our lives extraordinary. It is our responsibility to live with integrity and zest. Our lives are what we make it. If you’re not getting 100% back, perhaps it’s because you’re not putting 100% in.

I know there are many instances in my life where I know I am only putting in around 20%-50% of the effort something requires. But that will get me no where in my life, and I know it.

There are three types of people in this world.

There are the kind of people who refuse to learn from their mistakes. Who keep attracting the same drama, the same issues, the same problems over and over again. The kind of people who do always less than what is required. Sometimes someone will call them on it, but most of the time, people have just learned to stop trusting and expecting anything much from them at all.

Then there are the kind of people who do the bare minimum. They get by on the bare essentials. They do whatever they need to do in order to not cause a scene, or stir up questions around the work they are doing. They work 9-5 and struggle to find the time and energy to pursue their passions. But they have a feeling that there’s gotta be something more to this life.

And of course, saving the best for last – The people who succeed in life are the ones who go the extra mile, who stay the extra hour, who work hard, and who love deeply. And hard work is hard. It’s mean to be. They always make sure they have time for the things that matter to them, because they don’t see any other option. They do things that are fun or lead to fun. They are disciplined and focused, with soft cuddly edges. They are focused on quality and strength of relationships rather than numbers and figures. They put in 100% most of the time, but not all the time, because let’s face it – they are human too.

They fail sometimes sure, but they always get up again. They learn from their mistakes. They set big goals for themselves. They love a lot. They have a big enough heart to love other people and also themselves. They believe in you, but only because they believe in themselves first.

 

I know which kind of person I want to be.

Do you?

 

 

How to be confident

Confidence is our birth-right. It comes with our soul’s capacity to fulfill our life purpose. It’s sort of a package deal, but sometimes we seem to pass up on the opportunity to be naturally confident – and then we spend the rest of our life reading self-help books, and awesome blogs like this one, trying to figure out how to get it back. Trust me. I’ve been there.

I used to have major confidence problems. It kind of comes with not loving yourself, and when you’re 16 and confused, it becomes very easy to stop loving yourself. You know that feeling when you do something really embarrassing infront of a group of people (or even just one person) and you really wish the earth would swallow you up? Yeah, that was me – all the time. When I see people walking down the street with their head held down, I just want to look at them and say “Wow, you have NO idea who you really are.”

So, can you get confident? Yes! Everyone can. But you have to do it the right way. There are two components of true self-confidence: inner confidence and outer confidence. You can’t have one without the other. So don’t even try it, missy. If you work simply on your outer confidence (the tangible confidence that everyone can “see”)  and neglect the inner work, you run a high risk of being deemed arrogant and cocky, and as if that’s not enough – everything you do will just feel so fake and unstable. You gotta do things the right way. If you do things half assed- you only half get away with it.

So does true confidence take a long time to develop? Well, it depends on how easy you find the “inner confidence” work. You must also realize that it won’t happen over night – not true confidence anyway. It’s a process, a lifestyle change, but if I can do it, you can do it too!

So, let’s get started with your inner confidence. Many of the steps here will radiate into your outer confidence and only heighten the worlds experience of you.

Inner confidence (your inner rockstar)


Think positive thoughts about yourself, your circumstances, your friends, your environment.

I’m not saying you have to be little Miss/Mr. Sunshine all day every day, because hey, shit happens. All I am saying is that you have to get in the habit of expecting positive things from your life. That yeah, you may have a bad day, or a bad week, but that does not define you. This means getting comfortable with knowing that even if things are not great now, they definitely will be. This means knowing and feeling completely supported by the universe. This means having the pure faith and belief that good things happen to you all the time.

Own your darkside.

Inner self confidence is almost synonymous with self-awareness. Leaving your fears, ego issues, hates, hurts and booboos hidden in a steel box in the dark crevices of your mind is no good. Someone’s gonna find it and someone’s gonna call you on it – so get to it first! What do you have to hide? What hurts the most? What stings? Take it out, look at it, learn your lesson, accept it, and move on. You ain’t getting any prettier just carrying it around all day, you know. Being confident doesn’t mean you have to be an open book for everyone to read, but it means you have to have at least read it yourself. You have to have at least checked it out a couple times from the library of your soul. Own your fears, or someone else/something else will, and you cannot emanate confidence from the core of your being if you do not own yourself first.

See this link for more information on this: http://hellomalavika.com/2010/08/28/how-to-own-your-dark-side/

Learn to love yourself.

It sounds so easy typed out! “Learn to love yourself” – just four little words, but these words will take you on a lifetime journey if you truly let your life embody them. I don’t mean just looking at yourself in the mirror and  thinking you are “kinda okay”.  I mean that you need to create a mind that you can bear to live in. And a skin you feel comfortable in. And a soul purpose that drives you to love everyone and everything.

You need to LOVE yourself so much that you would want to date yourself if you could. Basically, you need to start treating yourself like you would treat the most special person in your life. With love, respect, cuddles, treats, compassion, understanding, and unconditional undying support.

Be independent

It is so easy to become dependant- emotionally or physically. Who is giving you more than you think you can give yourself? What is it, and how can you start giving it to yourself? Is it money? Is it food? Is it a home? Is it love? Is it support? Is it understanding? Is it …confidence? Start doing more for yourself. Take yourself out on a date. Get in control of your finances. Get all your ducks in a row.  Now!

Make your own decisions

Have you noticed that if someone makes all the decisions for you, you start looking to them for validation, support and ultimately approval for all the things that you do? If you want to start levelling up your inner self confidence, you need to kick this habit and start making decisions for yourself. You’re a big girl/boy and I know you can do it. No one knows you better than you. Hold your own counsel. Sure, ask for advice (And I always encourage this) but at the end of the day, feel confidence in the fact that YOU are the one calling the shots. Start making your own decisions today – whether that be where to go for lunch, or what you want to do with your life – because hey, you’re the one who’s gonna eat the lunch and live your life.

Figure out your life purpose

Nothing screams confidence like believing that you are important and knowing that you have a very important purpose to fulfill. A child who is taught this from a young age will always go far in life. This simple belief is enough to give you a really huge reason to be confident. If you don’t believe you are here for a reason, that you don’t have important things, what else could be a worthy cause for your self confidence? Confidence without this principle – is empty. Figure out what you want to do, and start doing it. And if you don’t know just yet (that’s okay –it takes time – enjoy the ride!) then start feeling confident that YES you are important and YES you do have worth and the world can’t WAIT to see what you have to show us.

Outer confidence

Fake it till you make it

Fake it till you make it only works for outer confidence –but it sure works like a charm. Even if you don’t FEEL very confident, pretend that you are, and watch how your body shifts. It might be kind of awkward at first, but I promise you that if you keep doing this, over time, it will become a natural way of being for you. Always ask yourself “what would a CONFIDENT person do now?” and respond appropriately. Remember we are re-programming your mind and habits here, so let’s start implementing some new habits that will work better for you!

Check your posture

A good posture is a great marker for a confident person. Stand tall. Shoulders back. Stand up straight! Don’t slouch. Watch your posture. At first it’s going to be quite annoying to keep shifting your posture, but as with anything, the more you do it, the more fluid it becomes, so get at it.

Speak positively about yourself, your circumstances, your friends, your environment.

Nothing screams “I don’t like myself!!” like someone who complains. When you meet somebody (especially for the first time), please do not display your dirty laundry. You don’t have to tell people why you are broken, defected, not as you appear to be, and you don’t have to give them the latest run down your past relationship failures and all the bad habits you acquired this last year. Think highly of yourself, and speak modestly but positively about yourself! If you’re at a party and having a sucky time, and someone asks you what you think of the evening, do not say “It sucks! I’m so bored.” It might be witty, funny, and maybe strike up a conversation, but the person will probably eventually go elsewhere – why? Because people like happy people. People like happy people EVEN in lame places! And besides, friendships and relationships created from a foundation of commiseration is never a good one.  So I’m not saying you have to lie and say “Oh my god! BEST PARTY EVER!!!!”, but you can smile and say “I’m having a great time thank you, and how about you?” Why? Because you’re confident and confident people do not let a lame event phase them in anyway. It doesn’t even hit the radar.

Look your best, all the time.

I don’t care how comfortable you are in your pjs – there’s a time and place! Dress up for your life. Show up! Be excited. Look hot or handsome. People are naturally drawn to those who look the part.

Treat everybody well, no matter how they treat you.

Confident people are not really phased by how people treat them, because they are instead focused on the quality if their own interaction to people. Treat everybody well, with respect and kindness – no matter how they treat you.

Those people who bitch excessively, complain, or talk lowly of other people do not come across as confident to me. When I encounter someone who radiates confidence, and then they later start badmouthing something or someone, I instantly take them away from their pedestal. Suddenly they seem so “average”. Don’t be average. Stand out by setting an example of excellence and integrity. Truly confident people don’t waste their time badmouthing people. They make changes.

Focus on others.

It is a common misconception that confident people are all “me me me!” Truly confident people never focus solely on themselves. They focus on the wellbeing of those around them, and when you do that, the world turns into a giant mirror and reflects all that good karma right back to you. A person who focuses on themselves is an example of arrogance masquerading as confidence – and arrogance is confidence without the innerwork. A big no no.

Learn how to accept compliments

Always react appropriately. Do not reject compliments, and do not feed on them for hours either. Let them come and go. Show gratitude. Smile. Be natural. Feel your heart expand. Show love. Then, let it go. Rejecting a compliment shows people that you don’t think that the good things they are saying are true – which causes people to rethink their compliment. And feeding on their compliment for hours, days, weeks, shows people that you probably lack the inner work.

Slow down your movements.

Do you ever find yourself rushing along your day, not taking the time to truly take slow, long strides, and really enjoy it? Well, start doing that! Slow down your movements. Look around you. Smile at strangers. Walk to a beat. Doing things slowly tells me that you don’t need to RUSH to get things done. That everything is under control, and you know exactly what you are doing.

Know what you are doing.

Have a game plan. Never be the kind of person who doesn’t know why they do things. Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong, but act with certainty and…the magic word…confidence! Be the kind of person that makes things happen.

*Just a note that I have received and read all of your lovely e-mails and I will be responding to all of them this coming Saturday.

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get back to all of you. Everything has just been super busy the last few weeks, with settling into my new place. As soon as I get my bearings I will be e-mailing you all. Promise!

How to leave a legacy

    1. Get clear on your message.

“Don’t ask for what the world needs. Ask for what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive”

Let me ask you this; how do you want to change the world and how do you want to do it? You may want to create a world-wide revolution, or you may want to make a somewhat smaller change that affects different people in different ways. Neither is right or wrong, or better than the other – whatever it is – the world needs you to live out your purpose to maximum. This is what you are here to do. People are waiting for it.

So, what do you want to be remembered for? My (amazing) business coach, Heather, asked me once about my “brand”. She defined a brand as “what people say about you when you’re not in the room.” Ask yourself this question. What would they say about you? This is your brand.

And what are you really passionate about? How do you want to change your world? What is important to you? What do you want to be remembered for? When you die, how will the people around you finish this sentence “Oh, she/he was the girl/guy who ________.”

Do you want to empower women? Men? Children? How? Do you want to create a movement to incorporate spiritual living into our day to day lives? Do you want to teach people to do something? Do you want to challenge the way people think? Do you want to spread the beauty of music or art? Do you want to help those dependent on drug habits to find a strength deeper within themselves? Do you want to spread a little love? Do you want to teach people how to use their intuition/their money/ their pain / their relationship with earth and animals.

The list is endless, and there are so many ways to make a difference that will resonate deeply with you. So find yours.

    2. Find ways to start living your message.

This is a crucial step. Find ways to start making your message true for you. You’re in the process of creating your legacy – that is exciting! Let your life be a representation for what you believe in. Keep everything you do, say, feel, think in total alignment for what you believe is true. That’s integrity. And people want integrity. People are attracted to integrity. If you do not hold a high standard of integrity in all that you do, no body will want you. So this is why we are putting this step here. It’s very important.

I mean, how much would you believe in me as an intuitive reader if I never really practiced, gave readings on myself, shared my personal experiences and knowledge, or if I never really did my own work – such as a regular meditation and connection with my own guides? How can you teach something you never took the time to really learn and apply? How can you empower people if you have yet to empower yourself? You can’t just talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk too.

So find your walk, wear your best heels (or an equivalent male counterpart shoe. Sorry guys 🙁 ) and walk that walk! Everyone’s waiting!

    3. Be the best at what you do.

“If you’re good at what you do, people will look for you. So, be good at what you do

Whatever you have chosen to do, make sure you are the best at it. Make people look for you. If you are interested in doing readings, make your readings so unspeakably, jaw-droopingly amazing that people specifically look for YOU and want a reading with YOU. There are many of psychics in the sea, but you’re different. Make it so that people would rather wait a few weeks to get  a reading with YOU rather than get a reading with any ol’ Miss Cleo. I use ‘Psychics’ as an example because it is my own personal experience, but of course it can be applied to anything and everything you do. If you are a doctor, be the best doctor in the world. It might seem hard, but find a way. If you’re an energy worker, be the best energy worker. If you’re a teacher, be the best teacher.

Make people look for you.

Things to avoid:

Never be concerned about how many people look for you, find you, want you, need you or how many clients/followers/fans you believe you should have.

As my guide, Miss Prescot tells me many times – this is not my concern. This is up to the universe to send me the people who are aligned with my intentions and frequency.  My job is to my make my intentions aligned with excellence and my frequency breathtakingly high. All you should be concerned is your content, your message, your legacy and whether or not you are the kick-ass-king/queen of it.

Never try to change people.

It is because of this that I don’t approach random people on the street, and people who are not yet ready for an experience of a reading, and say “Hey, please come and get a reading with me. I’m really wicked-cool!!”

Generally, people know what people want. If they want you, they will find you. People can be very self-determined, and that’s great. If they want something, and I mean, really want it, nothing will stop them from seeking it out. It’s your job to attract those who are ready to seek you out.

Also, by taking a more “they’ll come to me when they’re ready” approach, you send some amazing “I’m confident in what I do” vibes out to the universe, that will eventually draw in more wonderful people, things, situations, and events towards you. It’s a win-win situation.

Don’t try to fix people. They are unfixable and they like it. If they wanted to be fixed, they would come to you and say “please help me!!” or something along those lines. Your purpose is not to change someone’s opinion. What a futile task! You’ll be working very hard, for a very long time, thinking that maybe you’ve changed how one person thinks, and BAM, as soon as you leave the room they will go back to doing what they believe is right.  This is who we are. So instead, work with the people who want to change, who want to see things in a different perspective, and not only will your job be easier (and not impossible), but you’ll have a lot more fun knowing that the people who are in your life are there because they want to be.

Never stop believing in yourself.

As soon as you stop believing in what you do, who you are, and your product  – that’s it – game over. No one wants to use someone else’s trash.

So always believe in yourself, and your amazing gifts, and all that you have to offer, because you are special and perfect and whole and complete and there is so much that you can teach us.

And we’re all waiting for you.

*Note: I made an edit to the post “Soulmates, twin-flames and “the –one””.  Just a little something that I feel really helps string everything together:

Soulmates are a soul-connection

&

Twin-flames are a heart connection.

Love

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