Have you ever felt judged?
Do the people around you make you feel “wrong” for doing something you want to do or being someone you want to be?
Let me tell you something, it’s definitely not a party.
Do you sometimes find yourself playing life to someone elses rules? Miss Prescot recently told me “This is the game that you play. You do something and call it “right” and then you do something and call it “wrong” and then you repeat this over and over again for the rest of your life. And it doesn’t stop there. You then continue to judge people, things, situations and circumstances based on your own game.”
She is just full of these little pearls of wisdom.
But what happens if you are doing something that feels right for you, but you are made to feel that it is “Wrong” because of culture, society, your friends and your enemies?
It’s not an easy opponent to face.
Here’s a simple recipe to combat those not-so-nice feelings that accompany the feeling of being belittled or made to feel “wrong”.
Firstly, take a moment to re-evaluate your intention.
The first thing you want to do is to figure out what your truest intention is. The worst thing is to do something “right” for the wrong reasons, or something “wrong” for the right reasons. It’s all about self-integrity – and developing certain level of congruency between your intentions, and your morals, values and beliefs. They have to be in alignment.
It doesn’t even matter what other people think at this stage. What is more important is what you think of yourself.
So why are you doing what you are doing? Why are you wanting to do what you are doing or being or saying or feeling? Are you okay with it? If you’re not, you can either get comfortable with it, or do something differently.
If you can’t be clear about what you want for yourself (and why you want it)– then how can you expect anybody else to be clear about their feelings towards it?
2. Sometimes when we feel judged by another, we are really just judging ourselves.
Think about it. If somebody verbally insulted me with an insult that I simply just couldn’t recognize within myself, I would just let it go. For example: “MALAVIKA, your feet are sooooo huge that they make you look so U.G.L.Y”
I would be taken aback, and then amused, and then I would just laugh it off. Because I know it’s not true. I have tiny feet. I know this. I love myself enough to accept and cherish and know of my tiny feet. Nothing anyone says can ever shake that strong foundation I have when it comes to my feet.
I’m starting to question whether I chose the best example, but I’m in too deep now! So let’s keep rollin’.
But if someone said insulted me about something that I recognized within myself (but maybe was not ready to accept yet), I would feel a pang in my stomach. I would feel offended. Hurt. Sad. Angry.
For example “Malavika, you talk about breakdancing so much, it is SO annoying”
I’m trying to keep these examples light. So hearing this probably won’t make me feel god-awful, but I will definitely think about it and probably feel a little bad for making someone so annoyed that they had to actually say something to me about it.
(In my defence – how can you not want to talk about it?!)
But in my heart, I probably know I’m doing it.
Oh my goodness, could this be one of the WORST examples given ever? I think so. It’s 11:00pm and I’m very tired.
So think about it –are you judging yourself for the things that you are angry that someone else is judging you for?
If you ask yourself this question and realize that you are – then get over it and move on with your life, lady! You’ve got too much pretty to be wasting sitting around feeling bad about something that makes your soul smile.
3. Ignore the feeling, but not the person.
You know one of those moments when someone says something to you that’s just so simple, but also quite profound – and it just sticks with you. And you just know that you will remember that forever? Yeah, I got myself one of those today. Actually, that was what inspired this entire post. This point right here.
So, what do you do with those horrible feelings of inadequacy and judgement, after you’ve done all the inner work and somehow figured out that the awesomeness that is you need not bother yourself with feeling judged for doing what you want to do.
You ignore the feelings!
Forget about it.
Sooo long, suckers!
But don’t ignore the person. Why would you play that game? Treat everyone the same, with love, kindness, understanding and compassion.
But release their grip on you.
Remember, we can do all good things in a graceful, loving, and kind way. In fact-it is quite essential!
So whenever you feel judged, just let it go. Figure out if it is worth letting go, and if it is, follow your heart and let it go. Ignore those feelings – they will go away, I promise.
And treat whoever is sending you those feelings with love – a sure fine way to neutralize anything negative coming from them.
Who’s life are you living? Who’s rules are you playing by? It’s important that we take charge of our lives today, and do what makes us happy, and never let anybody or anything stop us from singing our songs and dancing our dance. Make music. Laugh loudly. Fall in love.
And never be afraid to do these things that are real to you.