Tag: communication

Words that matter; conversations with children

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Reya stepped on Gautham’s head while he was laying down and an argument ensued. Gautham tried to talk to her but she was too upset. He left the room and Reya was crying. I went over to her and we talked. Here are some parts of that conversation.

Reya: *Crying* Daddy is angry at me and he was so rude to me!
Me: I saw that. How did it make you feel?
Reya: It made me sooo sad 😭
Me: Why do you think daddy acted that way?
Reya: I don’t wanna talk about that part. (*lol I love her honesty)
Me: I think we need to talk about all the parts but we can do after some time has passed.

Minutes later, when she was ready to talk about that part;

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Getting Defensive: Get over yourself.

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It is impossible to be productive in any discussion when you are on the defense. When you become defensive you start spewing out negative energy. This negative energy can manifest in two ways; it can project outwards (Total Denial) or it can leak inwards (Total acceptance.) Either way, defensiveness is an all-or-nothing concept, and it places a great brick wall in communication.

Defensiveness is not a productive use of your energy. You spend all your energy trying to preserve your sense of self, that you end up giving away more energy in your reaction, when you could keep it within you and use it to restore your sense of calm, balance and security. Once you find your sense of calm, balance and security, you could then use the left over energy to start implementing changes in your life.

These are the two faces of defensiveness:

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