How we transformed our marriage

Note: I had been wanting to share some photographs from our wedding day 2 years ago, but for some reason never got around to it. So I have included them in this post 🙂 The photographs bring me back to such a wonderful day in my life, and I hope you enjoy them. 

WFA Malavika final-75

I have something to tell you. My marriage is blossoming.

It is so full of love. And joy.

It feels like a flower that is in bloom in the summer. The season is right. The atmosphere is right. The flower grows and blooms and it is beautiful. I don’t need to do anything, I only need to admire its grace.

But it wasn’t always like this. There were a lot of bumps in the beginning.

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How to live gracefully on dark days

darkdays

It is easier to live with grace when everything is going well for us, when life happens the way we would like it to happen, and when our energy levels are high. Bad days, on the other hand, well they take a certain level of consciousness to live through with grace.

When we don’t really know how to manage ourselves, bad days can really take over our life. They hold the power to completely change our perspective of people and life. They can feel bottomless and endless.

But there is a golden darkness in these bad days. And once we learn to handle ourselves, once we learn to live with grace through days like that, we find that dark days give you a chance to rest, reflect, and nourish your soul. They give you a chance to face lessons, and work through karma.

To live with grace means to live with peace; to be unstirred by the energetic ups and downs of our system, until eventually, they begin to stabilize and you reach a peaceful and joyful level at all times.

I believe that in order for our emotions to stabilize, we have to learn to be more sensitive to ourselves. To observe the ebb and flow of our inner environment, and to be able to adapt to what our inner self needs from us at a particular time.

So whether you slip into days of melancholy, or you are truly heartbroken after a tragedy, we have to be able to recognize when we need a different level of care, and we have to be able to give that gift to our selves.

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Poetry Friday: My destiny is you

My only intention is that every poem must become what it needs to be. Not a word more, and not a word less.

This poem is about finding my soulmate.

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3 steps to meeting your prince charming.

I got two e-mails in the last two days from women asking me what the best way to meet guys is. Firstly, I have to say, I’m extremely interested to know which part of my blog makes them draw the conclusion that I am some kind of expert in this field. But hey, I’ll give it a shot anyway. I could really elaborate on these three points and go into much more detail, but I won’t. Today.

1. Figure out what you want in a partner and in a relationship

Make a list if you have to. Think about what is important to you in a relationship. Where do you stand when it comes to honesty, affection, generosity etc. Other attributes you may want to consider are: kindness, wealth, understanding, romantic, compassion, trust, honesty, affection, integrity etc.

Also take the time to think about lifestyle aspects that may be important to you. Should he be open to having children in the future? Should he have a stable and regular job, or is it more important to you that he has flexibility in his schedule because you love to travel? Is it okay with you if he is in some debt? Should he be an animal lover?

2. Figure out what you can offer as a girlfriend and within a relationship.

Don’t just focus on “Finding the perfect guy”. That guy is probably looking for “the perfect girl” too, and if you’re not her, he’s going to look right past you. So you have to do your own work too. You have to think about what you have to offer as a woman and in your relationship. Embody the qualities you want to attract. If you want a romantic dude, be a romantic girl. You can’t be unromantic and strict and expect romance from your partner. It isn’t fair and it doesn’t align with the law of attraction. You have to be in alignment with your desire in order for it to manifest. You have to be what you want.

Start getting your life in order. Work on yourself. Learn about yourself. Make space in your life for a partner. Focus all your energy on becoming the kind of girl that your dream dude would actually want to take out to the movies. Focus all your energy on becoming the kind of girl that you want to be.

3. Get interesting.

You know what is sexy? Being interesting. It’s even sexier than hair tosses, fluttering eyelashes and your little back cocktail dress. So how do you “get interesting”? You start to pursue your own interests. Take up a cooking class, a dance class, a bootcamp, a book club, a community. Get out there, woman! Find out what is available in your community and be there.

I am not saying that you are guaranteed to meet your prince charming at a cooking class, but what you are guaranteed is more exposure to like minded individuals sharing common interests and hobbies. This is a great foundation to any rocking relationship. Any relationship built on common passion is certainly not a bad one.

I believe the best couples, at the beginning of their relationship focus on content, connection, common interests, hobbies and activities to engage in together. It’s only later into their relationship journey that they begin to focus on each other as single people, and that is when love, passion, attachment and commitment really begins to develop.

I would be a bit suspicious if it was the other way around. When it is the other way around, it sounds more like infatuation to me.

How important is your boyfriend/girlfriend in your relationship?

 

The state of our relationships is changing. Our relationship goals are changing. What worked for us in the past may not necessarily work anymore.

In the past the importance was usually put upon cultivating a family.

To do list:

–       Meet my prince/princess

–       Get married

–       Buy a house together

–       Have 3 babies and a golden retriever.

 

But things are changing, and with the current divorce rate between 40%-50% (in the US), it’s clear that maybe it takes more than babies and an obedient dog to keep your family together.

Fact: relationships are changing.

Peoples values about what is meaningful to them is changing, and it seems that whatever that meaningful thing is, we’re struggling to find it in our relationships.

I do not think that this is a bad thing.

That is my humble opinion. I think that we can use this as an opportunity to be more conscious in our relationships; to really figure out what exactly our end goal in our relationship is.

This is where I ask you to think about your end-goal in a relationship. What is the GOAL you want to achieve, your INTENTION that you want to manifest within your relationship?

Some people say it is to create a family together. This is a popular one.

But what about if your end goal was to just BE with your partner? Just to have an intimate relationship with this particular human being? Just to have a conscious and high-level, and non-destructive and loving relationship? Does that mean you can’t create a family together, white picket fence and all? Of course not. It just means that your priority is different. It just means that being with your partner and having a good and happy relationship is a more important foundation to you than anything else (what would you rather have holding your relationship together? love/intimacy/connection or a house/finances/children?). It means that what is meaningful to you is to share a relationship experience with this person. And everything else is a natural and progressional blessing. Hmm “progressional”. I think I made that word up but it sounds pretty legitimate.

And when you are open to that, you are open to many other possibilities – the highest of highest, the best of the best. And when you are open to other possibilities, the world will open up for you. You can create a family. You can vacation every year. You can continue working.

And all of these things will be GOOD things – not chores, not “to-do’s”, just an effortless flow of your life – because your end goal is to just be with this person.

And as your family grows, your end-goal will be to be with them too.

I know that we hear that as a society we are too materialistic and depend on material things to bring us happiness and satisfaction. But I think that we can be like that in the area of relationships too.

I think that sometimes we are so focused on playing a certain role, and we are programmed to reach a certain goal – fall in love, get married, buy a house together, have a child, get a pet, get mad at eachother when the puppy pees all over your new bed, get a high paying job that you like, have another child, vacation once a year etc.

I’m not saying that these things should not be important and you shouldn’t have them. You should and you will (if that’s what you want of course), I’m just saying – don’t make them more important than your partner. The dude or superfox who you fell in love with. The man who is working every day to make sure you are comfortable and have everything you need. The sweetheart who is sewing the bottons on your shirt and folding down the pages in magazines of articles she thinks you might find interesting.

When couples undergo relationship counseling, the counselor will usually ask questions like:

“What do you like about your partner?”

“What bothers you most about your partner?”

“What changes would you like to see happening in your relationship?”

“How do you feel about intimacy with your partner?”

“What positive actions does your partner do in your relationship already?”

“What could they do differently?”

 

These are all “my-partner-is-my-end-goal” related questions. These are questions that are assuming that this is how you are thinking. That your partner is your end goal.

And if this is not the case (As it is sometimes not), and your end goal in your relationship is something different – you may have a hard time answering these questions, because you are not necessarily aligned with these questions.

And this is why many couples enter counseling but can come out worse for ware – not because they don’t know the answers to these questions (maybe they do, maybe they don’t), but because these are not the questions that are most important to them.

Remember that when you are setting relationship goals with your partner (Sooo cute!) you may say things like “Listen to eachother more”, “be more affectionate”, “don’t blame the other person”, “always be honest with your partner” – um HELLO, these are all related to your partner being the end goal.

But if the poor guy isn’t your end goal, you probably won’t find much satisfaction doing any of these things. Or it will just be really difficult.

So I ask you to think about it. Why are you with who you are with? Are you with them just to be with them. To share this crazy life experience with them? To inspire, and protect, and love and nurture and just totally RELISH in the joy of their company (not all the time, let’s not be corny here.)? Or do you have another purpose, and do you think that your relationship is the best way to get you there? Are you comfortable using your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband as a tool to fulfill the role you want to play in your life, or would you rather just want to be with them?

And maybe after you ask yourself all these questions, you realize that you don’t really even want to make your partner your end goal. Thats okay. But maybe you would want to reevaluate your relationship and why you are in it.

I think that if you make your partner your end goal, not only will you be a good partner back to them, but you will also be able to relax and let life flow between the two of you. You will be able to have all the other things that you want, such as a life together, a family together, a baby together, a lifestyle together, a home together, vacations together – all of these things – as long as you don’t forget that the most important part is the “together”.

 

Soulmates, twin-flames and The One.

In some way or an another, the state(s) of our relationships (or lack thereof) always finds a way into probably one of our most talked about topics, and most thought about thoughts.
Why are we single? Why did we become single? Why are we in our current relationship? It’s amazing – I don’t deserve it. It sucks – what did I do to deserve this? Is my partner my soulmate? Is my partner “The one”? What if they are not the one?How does it feel when you meet “the one”?  Why is our relationship so dysfunctional? Should I stay or should I go? If I knew my partner was my soulmate/twin flame/the one, would it make all this dysfunction go away? What about that relationship I was once in, was supposed to be in, should probably be in right now? Will we ever meet again? What if he was my soulmate? Why can’t I be with my soulmate? Why am I with some dude who is not my soulmate? Universe, what is wrong with you?!
This is just a fraction of the clutter we harbor in our hearts when it comes to our rational towards our relationships. In fact, sometimes I get asked a whole array of these questions in a reading too. I don’t blame you – I would ask them too 😉 Spiritually speaking, relationships are incredibly important things to our spiritual growth so it makes sense to explore them. As I have mentioned many times before, a relationship can speak wonders for the dysfunction in you, in your heart, in your mind, in your soul.
Your partner is your greatest teacher.
Your relationship is a mirror.
And you are the superfox looking into the mirror.
You are not the mirror, and you are not the reflection.
Your partner is the dude who is holding the mirror up to your face.

As an intuitive reader, I get many, many, many questions related to relationships. It seems everybody is thinkin’ about it, worryin’ about it and talkin’ about it. Oh, and everyone wants to know about their “soulmate”, so without further ado, let’s begin with some definitions.
In our lives we encounter some pretty special people in our lives. Some that awaken in us an unspeakable familiarity, some that we feel are the missing piece in our “puzzle” – they just seem to fit and some that truly rock our world. These special people are all here for a reason, but sometimes we have a misguided expectation of what their true purpose in our life is.

Soulmates

Your soulmate is someone who has incarnated with you in many – if not all – of your lives. Your soulmate loves you very much. 

Continue reading “Soulmates, twin-flames and The One.”